Well blog friends,
I don't even know where to begin. I have a new senior pastor who is a nice guy. The church is thrilled that he is here, and I am glad to see them excited.
But I don't know how to respond to his telling me that he doesn't think we can work together, and asking me to turn in my paperwork. I have done so, but just am flabbergasted to not even get a chance to show him who I am, or the pastor I am in this place.
My heart, to be honest is feeling pretty stomped on, and I struggle with knowing how to recover from this. I am doing my best to be the pastor he and everyone else expects me to be. To put on the happy face, to tell people that I am excited that he is here, to do my best to be positive and upbeat...
But I am going home completely exhausted at the end of every day. I feel as though I am walking on eggshells, and all it will take is the one mis-step and I will have no job at all.
This call has been for me, the most challenging of my life, and if I had to look back over my entire life, probably the most challenging year of my life so far. I long for a place where I can do ministry, where I can be pastor, and where I won't be expected to work until I drop. I long for a call where I feel I am supposed to be, where I feel like God is using me, where I feel like the Word is being preached not only through our words but also through our actions.
Blogging friends, this pastor is doing her best to keep the faith, and hold to the promises I made at my ordination and installation, but I have never in my life been this weary or felt this alone. It has gone from being a tough place to be to almost being impossible.
Please keep me in your prayers as I wait and pray for my paperwork to be received by congregations in 6 different synods. Please pray for guidance as I wait and pray for clarity to know where God is calling me next. And most importantly? Please pray that I have the strength to make it through this next transition. I know that with God all things are possible, and that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose...could just use some friends to keep reminding me of that these days.
How about you blogger friends? How is life going for you lately? Where have you seen God at work?
Praying and thanking God for each of you,
Preaching Kate
