Learning the lines...

Well blog friends,

I don't even know where to begin.  I have a new senior pastor who is a nice guy.  The church is thrilled that he is here, and I am glad to see them excited.

But I don't know how to respond to his telling me that he doesn't think we can work together, and asking me to turn in my paperwork.  I have done so, but just am flabbergasted to not even get a chance to show him who I am, or the pastor I am in this place.

My heart, to be honest is feeling pretty stomped on, and I struggle with knowing how to recover from this.  I am doing my best to be the pastor he and everyone else expects me to be.  To put on the happy face, to tell people that I am excited that he is here, to do my best to be positive and upbeat...

But I am going home completely exhausted at the end of every day.  I feel as though I am walking on eggshells, and all it will take is the one mis-step and I will have no job at all.

This call has been for me, the most challenging of my life, and if I had to look back over my entire life, probably the most challenging year of my life so far.  I long for a place where I can do ministry, where I can be pastor, and where I won't be expected to work until I drop.  I long for a call where I feel I am supposed to be, where I feel like God is using me, where I feel like the Word is being preached not only through our words but also through our actions.

Blogging friends, this pastor is doing her best to keep the faith, and hold to the promises I made at my ordination and installation, but I have never in my life been this weary or felt this alone.  It has gone from being a tough place to be to almost being impossible. 

Please keep me in your prayers as I wait and pray for my paperwork to be received by congregations in 6 different synods.  Please pray for guidance as I wait and pray for clarity to know where God is calling me next.  And most importantly?  Please pray that I have the strength to make it through this next transition.  I know that with God all things are possible, and that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose...could just use some friends to keep reminding me of that these days.

How about you blogger friends?  How is life going for you lately?  Where have you seen God at work? 

Praying and thanking God for each of you,
Preaching Kate

Gearing up and letting go...

As I write this post, I such a jumble of emotions...excited to be taking kids to the Youth Gathering, nervous to be the primary adult for 30...sad that our Children's Ministry Director resigned, worried about what that means for our kids this fall...and apprehensive as a new senior pastor is chomping at the bit to come in and join the staff.

I am doing my best to go into these days and weeks with an open mind, and a willing heart, but am also admittedly a bit distracted as my paperwork us out, and I will, God-willing be on the move again.

I really am tired of moving. I recently realized that I have moved 7 times in the last 12 years. And let me tell you, the idea of packing it all up again, of finding a new place, unpacking, and meeting another new group of people is overwhelming to this tired spirit.

Don't get me wrong, I like the unpacking...I like the meeting new people, hearing their stories, investing in their lives. But the packing, the closure, the saying good-byes yet again? It feels like I just arrived.

But I know it is best for me...and for the congregation too. I have done my best to get them thru some incredibly challenging days and weeks. I have done my best to give them the gospel while I listen to their hurts and help them heal.

As I go into this Youth Gathering journey, it is for me a symbol of what I hope my next steps in ministry will be...being open to new things, meeting new people, following Christ and doing God's work through my hands.

So let the adventures begin my friends, for we know the Lord goes with us.

Traveling Mercies,
Preaching Kate

Facebook woes

Hey blogosphere. I made the mistake of posting a frustrated comment on my Facebook. A member of my congregation saw it and emailed me to say they are disappointed and think it is inappropriate. I took the post down and explained the circumstances.

But my hurt heart and struggle remain. I am feeling left out to dry in some ways by the place I am serving. I have no safe place to share concerns and frustrations anymore, having had my trust broken by leadership.

What's a pastor to do blogosphere? My heart needs a place it can be real, and is searching in vain to find that place. What would you do? Where do you go to find support?

Your friend,
Preaching Kate

Too tired for words...

Today, as I try to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), to get the sermon done for this weekend, I find myself overly exhausted. I am not sure what is going on...I have had a quieter week than normal, have done a better job of taking care of myself, working out, eating healthier, and yet still find myself with no words to say. I would give a lot for someone else to come in and preach, and just be able to sit and listen to the gospel. Not have to lead liturgy, but be able, like most of our people in the pews to walk into the building, enjoy some fellowship time, worship with the people sitting next to me, and go home to enjoy the rest of a Sabbath Sunday.

But instead, I find myself here again, at the keyboard, with nothing to say on this week's texts, and no good ideas on where to find the words. I have been "working" on this sermon longer than most, and it still doesn't exist. These are the days that I wish I was a 9-5 worker, with some true sabbath time on the weekends.

The perhaps most ironic thing, is that I had last weekend to not preach. I had last weekend to not do liturgy. And now I long for it more than last weekend!

But honestly, if I had to pick the thing that is missing most from these weary preaching bones, it is true friendship. Someone I can call up on days like today, and meet for coffee and talk through the text and get a renewed perspective. I long for my friends near my last call...and try to continue to make it through this one.

So, those of you out in the blogosphere, how do you preach when your tank is running on empty? Any suggestions for this weary pastor?

Your friend on the good days and the hard ones,
Preaching Kate